I am a Kosher Burrito: Tales of a Jewish Mexican

Im a kosher Burrito
Hummus on a tostido
Im a jap with estilo
Chica ruda con voz

don’t drink kosher sangria
though i love my tequila
Snuck it in to yeshiva
Chica ruda con voz

Matzah ball soup
Tastes much better with salsa

Please don’t call me a gringa
Because that’s not what I am
My fathers a Spaniard
My moms Mexican

Please don’t call me a gringa
I might cut of your pinga
Estoy harta de justificar
Quen soy yo

Yes I know Im a guera
Still Ill fight in your Guerra
Y aunque tu no lo creas
Tenemos mucho en commun

Im a kosher Burrito
Hummus on a tostido
Im a jap with estilo
Chica ruda con voz

Caminos variados
En el transcurso del tren
He sido rica pero pobre
Y sin dinero fui feliz

When most people find out that I am Mexican, they usually respond by telling me that I am not. “You are not Mexican, “ they say “you don’t look Mexican.” Here are some of the resposes that Ive given to this ignoramous comment.


The “bounce back” response:
“really? So what does a ‘Mexican’ look like”?

The “smart ass” response:
Yeah, I know I don’t look Mexican today because I left my poncho and my sombrero at home this morning. The donkey likes to wear them because he gets lonely when I leave him in our little adobe hut all by himself. Sentimental, tequila drinking, Donkey…I just love that crazy ass!

The “freak people out with my weirdness” response:
“Yeah, you’re right. I am lying…sheesh. Sorry about that, how embaressing. You caught me! Shit you caught me! I have this blasted mental illness that forces me to lie pathologly all the time…So you wanna be my friend?”

The “you are mexican” response:
“Well actually, I am Jewish and Mexican. Can you fuckin believe it?! What an awesome amalgamation of culture.... So what are you? Oh, you don’t know? You’re a white man from Texas you say. Well Golly gee wow, so actually its you who are the Mexican. That’s just dandy"!

The “I will educate and enlighten the world with my response” response:
“Well I understand how you might arrive at an opinion like that if you have never been to Mexico before. We only know what we see and understand through our experience and exposure through various media outlets. In movies and on TV, Mexicans are stereotyped as being short, brown people who mow lawns, do dishes. Sometimes they are also depicted as pistoleros who ride through the dusty streets of “Mexico” shooting up the town.

The truth is far from these Hollywood images. If you were to go to Mexico, you would see a beautiful rainbow of diverse cultures, not unlike here in the United States. Believe it ot not, There are bustleing cities in Mexico, in fact, Mexico City is considered a “Super City” and is the second largest city after Sao Paulo. Mexico also has one of the highest levels of biodiversity of all the contries in the world.

I want to say up front that “The Three Amigos” is still one of my favorite movies. I love the songs and the silliness of the whole thing, but the impression that it creates in the North American mind is wrong; it is an oversimplified understanding of an entire nation.

The truth is far from the Hollywood image. Mexico is more than dusty roads and drunken, topless, teqilanated teenagers. Mexico is a beautiful rainbow of peoples and cultures. It has one of the highest levels of biodiversity of the entire world. The people, the architecture, the music, and the food, is a distinct to each region and each place you go is new and different to the one before it.